December at Our House

You can learn so much by listening to children. Here are some great words of wisdom from mine.

12/2/14
M {while eating mashed potatoes}: "You know what my favorite thing about potatoes is? They're healthy! They're a vegetable and they grow in the ground... And so, potato chips are healthy!"
I think her logic, however flawed, would appeal to a lot of folks.

12/5/14
M: "Come take his {the elf on the shelf} picture. I can't believe he's always 'cheesing.'"
Yeah, it's almost like his smile is painted on.

12/15/14
Brett {said while kids were brushing teeth before bed}: "Hey, that wasn't two minutes, Bud."
L: "Yes, it was because I did it super sonic! That means really fast."
Where does he come up with this stuff?

12/21/14
Brett {said to Logan, who is on his back being silly}: "What are you doing to my hair?"
L: "Petting it!"
Obviously.

12/23/14
L: "I'm going to tell Mom! She licked my toe that was sticking out of this." {holds up footie pajamas, which on closer inspection, have a hole in the foot}
I don't even know where to begin here.

12/23/14
L: "I'm going to play Words with Friends." {goes and gets an old flip phone that he uses as a toy}
Me: "How are you going to do that?"
L: "I just push the thing that gets me there. Then I'll start on the first level and when I'm done with that, I'll go to the next level."
He must have gotten bored with his "game" because he moved on to taking "pictures" with the phone.
Next, he figured out that the pull-up antenna made a nice boing sound when he flicked it. This continued for a bit.
L: "I'm going to read a book on my phone. Well, actually, I need to make a call."
Me: "Who are you going to call?"
L: "My friend Bitch-it."
You'll be happy to know that Bridget is the name of one of the high school girls who works at his preschool. The question is why I've never heard him mention her before, you know, since she apparently tops the list of people he needs to call.

12/27/14
L: "My head is trying to make my eyes be closed-ed."
I hate when that happens.

12/29/14
L: "My bottom just sort of whistled like a tea kettle."
Classic. I busted a gut from this one.

{Santa's Little Helpers}

November at Our House

Yes, these are actually the quotes from last month. As you can see, I'm a bit behind.

11/3/14
Mommyism: "Don't talk with your mouth full of food."
L: "Mmmmkay, mmmmm."
This is what the requisite, "Okaaaaay, Mooom" sounds like when a child is still talking with food in his mouth.

11/3/14
M {during dinner}: "This is the best healthy food I've ever had!"
Um, thanks? Also, I guess I should make my chicken & cheese tortellini stew more often.

11/8/14
L: "Can I put on my shoes to hold up my socks?"
I guess so....

11/15/14
Brett: "Why don't you want to take a bath?"
L: "It's too wet."
Yep, that's sort of the point.

11/17/14
Mommyism: "No pole vaulting over the sofa!"
Hmmm, kind of wish I had noted exactly what that meant! I think it involved empty wrapping paper tubes.

11/19/14
L: "What smells so good?
Me: "I'm making bath salts."
L: "Smells delicious, but I'm not going to have any right now."
Me: "Okay, it's not food."
L: "No, I mean on my body."
Aside from entertaining me, it's nice to actually see that this one found one of my recipes to "smell delicious." This is high praise coming from him, regardless of whether or not it was actually edible.

11/23/14
L: "I'm making myself into mail."

Aww, I love when I've got this kind of mail.

11/24/4
L: "Mom, can some people make banana puppets?"
Me: "I don't know. What's a banana puppet?"
L: "It's a banana that's made into a puppet."
Well, I guess I should have known that. But why?

11/30/14
L: "Daddy, do old people -- like you guys -- sometimes have babies?"
I can't help but wonder if I would have been laughing so hard if he had directed this question toward me instead of his daddy.

October at Our House

Another whirlwind month -- wrapped up with just a few cute kidisms.

10/1/14
L {while having dinner at church}: "Dad, do you know everybody in this room?"
Brett: "No, not everyone."
L: "Well, do you know anybody?"
Ah, yes, the all or nothing thinking of a child.

10/1/14
M: "Hey, Mom, I'm supposed to tell you that we're supposed to check my head for lice!"
Well, that officially tops the list of things I do not want to hear during dinner.

10/11/14
L: "I see both of my soccer coaches."
Me: "Yeah? They spend all morning here."
L: "I think they sleep here, too."
You never know, right?

10/12/14
L {at Sam's Club}: "I saw a green lemon!"
Yes, and they're called limes.

10/12/14
M: "Were there cars when you were kids?"
Brett: "Yes, we had what's called a station wagon."
M: "Is that like a train?"
Why does it feel like we keep having this same conversation, just in different variations?

10/12/14
M: "I think I know why it's called October, November, and December. It's starting to get colder and we say, 'brrrr.'"
Makes sense to me.

10/14/14
L: "Crabs can make sculptures."
Me: "Oh, yeah? Like what?"
L: "All sorts of stuff. Pirates, dinosaurs, skeletons, ... maybe even a dump truck."
See, this is why I prefer conversing with kids over talking with adults most any day.

10/15/14
L: "2 +2 = 4 and 1 + 1 = 2 and 0 + 0 = 0. Well, actually, banana + banana = banana."
As I was nearly dying from the startling realization that he had learned addition at preschool (!), he threw in an extra dose of cuteness just to make me love him that much more.

10/19/14
L: "Does dehydrated start with 'D'?"
I don't even know how to reply to this. 

10/20/14
M {said while putting a rubber band around her ankles}: "This will help me waddle like a penguin better."
You betcha.

10/26/14
M: "I'm fluent in dog. Woof, woof, woof."
Yes...

10/28/14
{After bedtime at our house.}
Me: "Do you want me to tuck you back in?"
L: "Well, sometimes I just need to play."
I hear you, Little Dude.

10/29/14
L: "I woke up after my sister but before you. You woke up last. I guess you were the tiredest. I guess you're always the tiredest."
This makes me sad because it is so honest.

{Our Family Halloween Costume ~ 2014}

Creative Re-branding

The longer I work my business, the more I realize the importance of what to say -- or more precisely, how to say it. It turns out that the way that something is presented to someone can truly influence how they feel about it. Case it point: dinner with two sorta picky eaters...

We have recently discovered that they LOVE edamame. If you're saying, "eda-what?" I'm right there with you. I thought that this was just some creative re-branding for "lima beans," which is what these babies seem to resemble quite closely. Then I wondered why they taste different from the way I remembered. (And that was not fondly, in case you're wondering.) Why would my kids LOVE something that I hated as a kid?

A quick web search had me realizing that edamame is an entirely different bean: soy. The weird thing is that the kids aren't normally big bean eaters, but they really, really LOVE them some edamame -- or "eda-beans!" as they shriek excitedly when they see these on the table. (No, really, you can't make this stuff up. My kids go nuts for baby soy beans.)

{Edamame: It's What's for Dinner!}

My point? If I called these what they are -- immature soy beans -- my children would almost certainly turn up their noses and refuse to eat them. Admittedly, even I find that a bit gross-sounding. But when we call them "edamame" it sounds just exciting enough to be something that even the tiniest of food critics can get enthused about, without being over-the-top exotic and foreign (a.ka. "too weird to eat").

Translation: little people willingly devour second and third helpings of this stuff. Go, Mommy (and Daddy, because he was the one who nuked this particular bag 'o beans.) Creative re-branding = parenting win! Hats off to you, soybean marketing folks of the world.

September at Our House

To anybody who may have been waiting expectantly for more content on this blog, I do apologize for my life getting kind of crazy (even by normal standards)... Anyway, there is some great stuff here that I think you will enjoy!

9/1/14
L {listening to the ducks quacking at the Mill Pond}: "They're saying, 'walnuts.'"
I don't know, but it's cute.

9/1/14
L {on the drive home, it started to sprinkle and quickly turned to hard rain}: "I think the little rain drops told the bigger ones to come!"
Seriously cute!

9/3/14
L: "Mom, are beavers real?"
Okay, this is one of those times when I answer the simple question and then ponder it for a while wondering what he was really asking...

9/8/14
L: "Are teeth the same as bones?"
Me: "Yeah."
L: "So, some of our bones are showing?"
Well, sure, but I never really thought about it.

9/10/14
M: "When do we eat?"
L: "I want to eat Mama."
Me: "What do you mean?"
L: "As meat."
Me: "I'm not meat."
L: "Well, you are made of meat."
Me: "Okay, but we don't eat people."
Yeah, not gonna lie. I never expected to have to tell the children about my anti-cannibalism policy for our household, but there it is.

9/19/14
M: "I wish I could just snap my fingers like in Mary Poppins and my room would be clean... except I don't know how to snap... and it wouldn't work, anyway!"
You and me both, sister! 

9/19/14
Mommyism: "You shouldn't be riding a bike while wearing roller skates."
Another one of those things I never thought I would need to say...

9/21/14
M {windy outside}: "My dress is like a parachute."
Oh, see, that's just clever.

9/21/14
M {during dinner}: "Where do butterflies go when it rains?"
L: "Maybe a bird opens its mouth and 'atens' it and then it stays dry forever."
Kept my mouth shut here, waiting to hear what else he thought, but this seemed to be the end of that particular conversation.

9/22/14
L {during dinner}: "Mommy is the boringest!"
M {quite upset}: "No she's not!"
Cracked me up how vehement she was. Just depends on the day, I suppose.

9/25/14
L {looking at his drink package with a soccer player on it}: "I've never had a black person on this before."
Me: "What?!" {Okay, kind of concerned here!)
L: "Usually they're red or blue..." {Huh?} "But his jersey is black."
Me: "Oh!" {Relief...}

9/25/14
L: "I made up a song. It's called, I Made Up a Song." {proceeds to sing many, many verses, all the same: "I made up a song" -- all performed in a high-pitched sing-song voice}

This doesn't get old.... A little sarcasm for you, folks!

9/25/14
After discovering him pouring Elmer's glue on his monster truck track and then adhering vehicles.
Me: "What are you doing?!"
L: "I wanted them to be sticky and stuff."

Little boys and sticky situations... They just sort of go together.

9/28/14
L: "Ugh! You always ask me to do stuff!" {said to Brett after he asked him to use the bathroom before bed}
The injustice of it all!

9/30/14
L {while pulling into a parking spot at Walmart}: "Hey, there's seagulls in the road. That is not safe for them!"
Me: "Don't worry about them. They'll fly away if a car comes."
L: "I think they are looking for trash."
Yep.

Our House in August

Here they are -- the kids' quotes from August -- the things that made me scratch my head, laugh out loud (and occasionally into my hand), and wonder where do they come up with this stuff, anyway?

8/2/14
L {while riding in the van}: "Someone honk-ded their tooty horn."
Keep reading for more education on the dual definition of the word "toot."

8/4/14
M: "Are there cookies that haven't been invented yet?"
Yup.

8/5/14
M {explaining to her brother why they should pick up toys}: "Mama likes it when we do this, so let's keep doing it!"
Why can't this type of conversation (and subsequent cleaning frenzy) take place more often around here?

8/6/12
L: "Hey!" {after she had pulled his ball cap off his head}
M {putting it back on his head}: "If you wear it backwards, you look cool."
I wonder where she heard that?

8/8/14
M: "If you see me stare, I'm looking at air. Got it?"
Um, okay. If you say so.

8/8/14
M: "I don't like it when people ask me questions out loud."
I can't say for sure but maybe I questioned why she was staring into space -- or air. Duly noted. Next time, I shall use my powers of telepathy.

8/10/14
L: "Look at those flat trees!"
He noticed the vines growing up the sides of a brick building at MSU, which did, in fact, look exactly like a flat tree. And I never would have noticed.

8/14/14
M: "Mom, the dog smells like graham crackers."
Is it bad that I looked around for evidence that a certain little girl had been feeding her graham crackers?

8/17/14
M {while eating mixed nuts}: "Where do almonds come from?"
L: "Cactuses!"
Honestly, this is one of those times when it's just simpler -- and funnier -- to keep my mouth shut.

8/17/14
M {crying}: "I want to stay little forever!"
Me: "What do you mean?"
M: "I want to stay a kid forever, but I can't!"
I so LOVE that she feels this way. Gonna have to remember it when she's about fourteen.

8/17/14
L: "The tub is still drooling." 
On closer inspection, he is correct. The faucet is still running.

8/20/14
M: "This is how you speak lion, 'ROAR, ROAR!'"
L: "Well, how do you speak jaguar?"
M {quieter}: "'Rawr, rawr.'"
Couldn't have explained it better myself.

8/25/14
L: "There's two kinds of toot. Toot is from a whistle and toot is from a bottom."
Oh, yes, he is such a BOY.

8/27/14
M: "When I'm bored, you can just tell me to do my homework."
If you say so...

8/28/14
L {popping into our bedroom before 7:00 AM, fully dressed -- in an interesting plaid combination}: "Hey, guys, did you know today is my birthday?!"
You don't say? I guess he figured out that we already knew that when the coveted two-wheel "big kid" scooter was waiting for him downstairs.

{Mad for Plaid and No Stopping Me Now!}

July at Our House

Two whole weeks since I have last blogged?! Wow, that just tells you how busy it's been 'round here. My brother just got married last Saturday and that definitely kept me going, going, going this month with planning. Hopefully August will be a better month for me to get more writing done. In the meantime, please enjoy the goofy things the kids said this month.

July 2, 2014
L {discussing hair}: "Are your bumpies hair, too?" {points to Brett's stubble}
Makes me glad I shave my legs often enough to have never had this particular discussion.

July 12, 2014
L: "When we're all grown up will we still have the same names?"
Me: "Yes."
L: "So I'll still be Logan?"
Me {laughing}: "Yes."
L: "But I want a nickname!"
Well, good news then, junior high is coming... hopefully, not for a really, really long time, though.

July 14, 2014
L {noting my plaid shorts}: "Are you wearing Daddy's swim trunks?"
No. Just no.

July 15, 2014
M: "M-o-o-o-o-o-m, he drank water off the driveway!"
Oh, well. At least he's drinking water, which he really never seems to drink enough of, in my opinion.

July 18, 2014
M: "It smells so much better in the basement!"
I had gotten distracted and walked away from the grilled cheese sandwich I was making, so it got quite blackened and the entire first floor stunk. It happens. Not often, okay, but every once in a loooong while.

July 28, 2014
L {seeing bird poop on his side of the van as we were getting ready to leave}: "I don't want our car to have purple poop on it!"
It will all be okay. Really.

July 29, 2014
L: "Don't get white feet." {said while stepping in between the lines of the crosswalk}
Earlier in the day, he had seen the men painting the center line, so he was worried that the paint might be wet outside of Sam's Club.

July 31, 2014
L: "I wanna do my Bigfoot."
Me: "What do you mean?"
L: "I wanna ride my Bigfoot."
Me: "Oh, you mean your Big Wheel?"
L: "Yeah!"
He just bought this today with his own money at community-wide yard sales. Brings back memories.

July 31, 2014
M: {after reading Henry and Mudge books}: "Now I feel like eating crackers."
Not happening, sister. I am totally on to your bedtime delay tactics. Nice try, though!

June at Our House

Wow! This month flew by! We had Brett's birthday and our anniversary. I had hoped to post something fun in honor of my 4th blogiversary, but that came and went with no fanfare. And did I mention that I started a business? Yep, I just hit lead consultant with Jamberry, woo hoo!! A busy month, indeed.

June kept me so busy that I actually forgot to give a shout-out to all my prayer warriors on June 13, which is the date that I went into the hospital with my little man's pregnancy five years ago. So, a belated thank you to all of you who kept us going during that time. It means more to me than I can even express. Here are the funny things the kiddos said this month.

June 5, 2014
Brett {playing hide-and-seek with the kids}: "9... 27..."
M {from her hiding spot}: "Dad, that is not the right way to count!"
Brett: "I thought they were both upstairs so I didn't think it mattered."
Busted.

June 8, 2014
M: "Where do Canadians come from?"
Well, when a mommy Canadian and a daddy Canadian fall in love...

June 8, 2014
L: "It's not broken. It's just in three pieces."
I have no clue what he was referring to, but at least he's got a silver lining outlook here.

June 10, 2014
Brett {the day after his birthday}: "I feel so old."
M: "Well, you shouldn't! You're not even close to 90!"
Whew! That certainly puts it in perspective.

June 14, 2014
L: "It's a vacuum cleaner!" {said while sucking ice cream off the table with a straw}
Why do I feel like this is just another variant of a familiar story...?

June 17, 2014
M: "Hey, Mom, were there tractors around when you were little?"
Why, yes, honey there were. And it was a good thing, too. You see, my dinosaur had just died so this was the only way I had to get to school. Seriously, though, how old does she think I am?!

June 19, 2014
L: "Whoa, I saw a squirrel. It was dancing!"
M: "It was probably with a girl. Squirrels do funny things when they're showing off."
I find it interesting that she has made this observation, and wondered if she noticed the same thing with people?

June 23, 2014
M: "It's your anniversary? So we've gotta be really, really nice to you?"
Brett: "Yes."
{a little bit later}
M {seeing my gift to Brett, 52 Things I Love about You}: "You've been married for 52 years?!"
Me: "No, we've been married for 13 years."
M: "That's a long time!"
A long time? It's nowhere near 90!

{This was a creative project started at a MOPS meeting ages ago,
and finally completed in time for our anniversary. It's challenging
to come up with so many meaningful and distinct reasons, but
 being a "professional" writer, I pulled it out. I assume
 the inspiration for the project involved a deck of playing cards.}

June 28, 2014
M {while in the van}: "Why do I smell waffles? Oh, never mind, I see the Wendy's sign!"
Yeah, I don't get it either. Even if Wendy's sold waffles, which they don't, she wouldn't smell them near the billboard along the freeway.

June 29, 2014
M: "Maybe we should have named Ritzy 'Licky' because she licks so much."
Well, that would make sense... I cannot even share publicly the reason she got her name. I will just tell you that Brett was responsible for naming her.

Summer Diary of a Stay at Home Mom

Summer Vacation Day 1:

- Extracted loose tooth from girl child’s mouth. (This was good because she had been whining for days about it hurting her.)

- Boy child peed on both sofa cushions.

- Did 3 loads of laundry (when I normally do 1 per day) because boy child is having potty training regression. (Haha. See above.)

- Figured out that 101 Dalmatians is the perfect length to get the lawn mowed. (Seriously, I couldn’t have planned it better. “The End” popped up on the TV screen as I walked inside, meaning that that children had no time to create mischief.)

- Located and used plunger to deal with boy child’s overly enthusiastic usage of toilet paper. (Reminded self that he used the toilet and cleaned himself up – progress!)

- Finally convinced kids to have some outside time, not that we lasted as long as we hoped. (What’s up with the temps in the 60’s?!)
- Did I mention it was Friday the 13th and there was a full moon? (Or does that go without saying?)

Summer Vacation Day 2:

- Our first day of VBS. We are exhausted.

- Kids are cranky and refuse to play outside, and so they are passing time by annoying one another. Fantastic.

- Zumba for stress relief. Obviously.

Summer Vacation Day 3:

- Another day when kids get overtired at VBS and then refuse to play outside.
- Had to carry boy child out of VBS, kicking and screaming. (Cannot recall exact reason, but he was MAD.)

- Boy child poops his pants. {face palm}

- Girl child asks to do homework! {tiny victory dance}

- Zumba is not an option, so Mommy resorts to having a hard cider. (Note: It was terrible and I only drank half of it. Save your money and do not get Johnny Appleseed.)

- Fortunately, a hot bath helped. (Why haven’t I had one of those in so long?)

Summer Vacation Day 4:

- Boy child decided to frontload his tantrum for the day. He had an absolute meltdown over losing a single penny that he had brought to donate to the VBS offering.
- Success! They weren’t so crabby after VBS and we were able to go to summer reading program kickoff and see some fun science experiments. (Girl child informs me that we simply must buy some Mentos and Diet Coke… despite the fact that we eat/drink neither of those things and she has seen this experiment done three times – twice this week! Kids.)

- Learned that girl child has a weird gift: She can catch flies with her bare hands and then release them outside. Second day in a row! Have a mini Mr. Miyagi comes in handy when your flyswatter is missing in action. (Where can that thing be…?)

- Stress relief option for tonight: shopping without children. It’s a wee bit sad when going to Target alone is your definition of Heaven on Earth, but there it is. (The only issue is that you have no one to bounce things off which means you spend entirely too long in a dressing room debating whether or not to purchase elastic waist pants. Yes, they fit, which is HUGE, and they were comfortable and cute, but seriously? Elastic waist pants? Do you really want to go there?! You note material: rayon and care instructions: dry flat. Ha! As if! You wisely put them back and try to pretend you were never really considering them in the first place.)

Summer Vacation Day 5:

- It’s nice to hear them singing the VBS songs. Really, I need to keep reminding myself of this.

- Mommy is the one who is cranky and tired today. Working VBS is exhausting! (No wonder all those other moms just drop their kids off and leave…) It does not help that I am a teensy bit hormonal. (Tomorrow’s the last day for VBS! Then, I can rest a bit.)

- Boy child is being ridiculously loud. And for him, that's saying a lot. He normally only has the one volume setting: loud, but today it's just insane. 

- Why won’t they play outside?! They need it desperately! (And not just for the reason listed above, but oh my goodness, is that a huge factor.)

- Taking photos at softball game for some stress relief. (Yeah, the kids are finally playing outside!)

- Was planning to work on this blog post for more relaxation but accidentally deleted entire thing somehow… and now am trying to rewrite it from memory. {feel like crying} Good news, though, I don't think my brain is quite as decayed as I fear. Most of it is coming back to me.

- In happier news, I have a fabulous new Jamicure which makes me smile.

- Also, chocolate should be its own food group. That is all.

Summer Vacation Day 6:
- Boy child wet his pants during the last few minutes of the last day of VBS. (Fortunately, I had extra clothes in the van, and I had to at least be glad that he made it through the rest of the week without that happening.)
- Then the MAJOR meltdown happened. Cannot even explain what it was all about. He was upset that I threw his potato chips away, I think, and he wanted an ice pop.
- Girl child tore her fingernail and was extremely tired, so she was nearly in tears while all this was going down. (She wasn't the only one who felt that way.)
- Hallelujah! He fell asleep on the way home and napped for 3 hours. This gave her some good down time before getting ready for dance recital.
- I am not good at putting my seven-year-old's hair in a bun. Or applying red lipstick to her tiny mouth. These things stress me out beyond belief -- not to mention that she had her first ever costume-change during recital, and she performed at the beginning and at the END of the show, which is insanely long. It was after 9:00 when I finally got her from backstage (after waiting in that torturous line... WHY? Why do they make me wait every year when I just want to get her home and in bed?!)
- Also, it rained, so I didn't get any photos with decent lighting because we couldn't take any outside. {pouts}
- On the plus side, (because I really need to find a silver lining, and possibly some chocolate...) we made it through recital, made it through VBS, and made it through the first week of no school! It can only get easier from here on out, right?

Insight

If you ever want to know what goes on inside the mind of a child, just check out her artwork. This is the latest installation in an ongoing series of sidewalk chalk drawings by my seven-year-old daughter (who seems to think that she is the only one who has ever been cursed with an "annoying little brother.") I have entitled it, "Lions, and Tigers, and NO Screaming Boys, Oh My!" 

May at Our House

May 1, 2014
M {both kids have doll dresses on their heads}: "We're wearing Mexican hats!"
Well, sure, if you say so, kids.

May 1, 2014
L: "I found Boo Boo Bunny -- and I got hurt!"
Oh, the irony.

May 2, 2014
M: "When birds pull worms out of the ground, they're playing tug-of-war!"
Yep, it's just like that except that it's a war game in which someone ends up dead.

May 2, 2014
M: "You're quite the baker! You should open up a bakery. You could build in on that open grassy patch."
Me: "What grassy patch?"
M: "You know. In town. Across from the gas station."
Now why didn't I think of that?"

May 3, 2014
M {sighing as she sits on Sandy, the penny pony at Meijer}: "I think I'm getting too big for this."
NOOOOOOO! I refuse to let that happen.

May 5, 2014
L {overheard while on the play phone, talking to Daddy}: "Fish latte."
Really hoping he does NOT wind up as a barista. Just sayin'.

May 5, 2014
L {bends his arm}: "These bones can bend. I think they're elastic!"
Yep.

May 5, 2014 
L: "Daddy, are you reading with your eyes?"
Brett: "Yes, I'm reading with my eyes."
M: "Reading with your eyes is eyes is so that little kids don't read stuff they're not supposed to know about. I read my whole entire library book on the bus!"
They've broken our secret code. Now what?

May 6, 2014
L {describing "outside day" at preschool -- the trike course}: "They gave out pink tickets."
Me: "What were the pink tickets for?"
L: "When people went too fast. I pretended it was a race course!"
Me: "Oh, so did you get lots of pink tickets."
L: "No. Nobody saw me!"
Ah, yes, how early they figure this one out.

May 7, 2014
L {on Brett's new car}: "Daddy says I can fit in his trunk!"
He said what now?

May 8, 2014
M {while we were driving on the freeway}: "I don't think we're allowed to go 160."
Brett: "I don't think the van will even go 160."
M: "Then why do the numbers go that high?!"
Indeed.

May 9, 2014
L {while watching 101 Dalmatians}: "They think they're Labra-dogs."
He's cute, right? It's not just me.

May 9, 2014
M: "I think that plane is going to crash into the moon."
I wouldn't worry too much about that, dear.

May 9, 2014
M {in the bathroom at Wendy's}: "I love that Grandma is named after a restaurant!"
Well, they do both have red hair...

May 9, 2014
M {8:30 p.m., on the way to Grandma and Grandpa's house}: "Something tells me it's past bedtime."
Me: "Yes, what is that?"
M: "The clock! And the angle of the sun."
Okay, Miss Smartypants...

May 12, 2014
Me: "Why are you going in circles?" {around the dining room table}
L: "I just want to. Actually, I'm going in ovals."
And Mr. Smartypants!

May 14, 2014
Me: "Did you just lick me?! Why are you licking everything?" {as he licks the counter}
L: "Because I want a sucker."
Right. And licking the inside of my wrist will make that happen how exactly?

May 19, 2014
L {brings me a twig}: "Mom, is this a pretzel plant?"
Nope. But wouldn't that be kind of cool?

May 20, 2014
L: "I wish we had a pet butterfly instead of a dog."
There would be less dog doo on my porch...

May 20, 2014
M: "I don't like that my skin is covered with hair."
Sorry. Can't help you there.

May 24, 2014
L {watching lacrosse on TV}: "Are they trying to catch a banana peel?"
This is just plain funny.

May 25, 2014
L {after I returned from the store with goodies for Memorial Day}: "You brought home root beard!"
Yes. For root beard floats. They're delicious.

May 26, 2014
L: "Some of the Unifix cubes have fallen into my milk."
Probably the best part is that he said this so matter-of-factly, like a little man.

Ever Have One of Those Weeks?

Have you ever had one of those weeks? Maybe a little like this?

Monday: You need to go pick your child up at school during a tornado warning. Actually, it's the extended warning. You were going to let her wait it out because her little brother was scared, but once the extension was added you decided to go get her (the tornado was nowhere nearby) since they would not even be putting her on the bus until 5 pm and then she would have another 40 minutes or so before getting home. It is a torrential downpour and you are all soaked to the skin and stripping the moment you set foot in the house. (Hooray, more laundry! Not.)

Oh, yes, did I mention that it's your birthday? There's no dessert because you didn't make any. You ask your husband to clean up since you made dinner. He puts the left over food away but leaves the dirty dishes in the sink (which was really what you meant for him to do but weren't smart enough to specify in your request). You realize you need to be more precise next time.

Tuesday: Your kid swipes 3 Hot Wheels cars while you are shopping at Kroger -- and you don't realize it until it's time to check out. By then, of course, he has torn open the packages. So you buy them, force him to pay you back, and charge an extra dollar for emotional duress.

In grocery shopping-related news, you are annoyed that today was the last day that your Kroger will be doubling coupons. Boo!

You go home, put the groceries away, transfer laundry from washer to dryer, change your clothes (can't wear the grocery shopping ensemble for yardwork!), and ask your four-year-old to help you apply sunscreen to your back (because it's over 80 degrees already and you are now wearing a tank top). Then you pop in a Disney film and manage to get the lawnmower out of the shed, mow the entire lawn (just a hair shy of an acre), and then put the lawnmower back -- entirely on your own! (Take that, husband who said he didn't think you could do it.) You later realize you have probably been duped. He knows you hate being told what you can't do!

You go to bed kind of miffed because hubby has asked you to stop and buy ice cream after your evening meeting at church. You are kind of tired but oblige because he has a sore throat. (You're cool like that even though he didn't buy you ice cream on your birthday.)

Wednesday: The same child has a tantrum the following morning at Walmart because you won't buy him -- wait for it -- another Hot Wheels car. So he runs off screaming like a banshee and you chase after him through approximately 15 aisles of the store before he slows down and you can finally grab him by the collar of his shirt. And then you wonder if wearing the skinny jeans and cute ballet flats was really the best choice for shopping with a four-year-old boy, which is starting to seem like more of a competitive sport each day.

Later, you step into the garage as you are headed out side to play "hardball baseball" with your boy. (Clearly, he has energy to burn off.) The moment you set foot out the door, you slip backward, nearly falling. (Thankfully, you do not get hurt. The floor of the garage is concrete, after all!) On closer inspection, you realize that you have stepped in a pile of dog poo. IN the garage. And by the way, you were still wearing the cute ballet flats, which aside from not offering much in the way of traction, are now coated in a layer of smeared dog poo. You are wondering why you have a dog...

To top off the day, it is your night to work the dinner at church. After 2.5 hours of running like a made woman (there were not enough hands!), scarfing your own dinner, and eventually stealing a potty break, it is over. You go to retrieve your little dude from the nursery (where they eventually had someone to help out, which is good, 'cause he started out in the kitchen with you, which for obvious reasons was not good). At this point, he smiles at you angelically and asks, "Mommy, is there any food left?" Um, yeah, you just spent several minutes packing it all up. Also, you have officially lost "Mom of the Year" status. That is reserved for people who remember to feed their children.

In other news, this is the second day this week that you have had to wash the cover from one of the couch cushions -- because a certain child has peed on it. (Hooray, more laundry! Not.) You are convinced that if you could just get all of the people and animals in your household to do their business in the correct location, your life would suddenly seem so much easier.

Thursday: As soon as you get out of the shower, you discover that your son has wet the bed. Only he wasn't in his own bed -- he was in your bed. You don't have a plastic sheet on this bed, obviously, so that means that when you strip the bedding you find a puddle of urine on your mattress. You head down to the laundry room to start a wash load, nearly tripping over a pile of in front of the laundry room door. It turns out that your other child has also wet the bed. (Hooray, more laundry! Not.) Next, you sprinkle baking soda all over your mattress and cross your fingers that it will sop up the liquid and get rid of any odor. You remind yourself that it could be worse -- at least one child wet her own bed and not yours!

After you are in bed (which now has fresh sheets, at least), your husband informs you that he read online that your daughter's school is doing away with Spanish and art. He tries to make you feel better, saying, "She still has you for art." Obviously, this is not the same. She loves those special classes. You have trouble getting to sleep because you are upset -- not just for the kids to miss out on these classes, but also for the teachers who may be losing their jobs.

Friday: Your son just pooped his pants for the fourth time this week. (Hooray, more laundry! Not.) You wonder how much diarrhea is considered "normal" and debate whether or not to call the pediatrician's office. (It's always tricky to find the right balance between being that mom -- the one who calls too often for every little thing --and that mom -- the one who never takes things seriously enough.)

Well, you make a decision and call the doc's office. He isn't having diarrhea, the nurse tells you. He's constipated. Well, okay, that makes sense. Not really, but kinda sorta. Anyway, you hang up and are immediately informed by your son that he has pooped his pants. Again. So make that five times this week. (Hooray, more laundry! Not.)

A letter comes home in your daughter's Friday folder confirming that there will be no Spanish or art classes next year. They are, however, offering some sort of before or after school art club. You still don't see how that makes up for cutting the programs!

Later, your son tells you that he has forgotten to lift the toilet lid, and so he has peed all over the bathroom floor. Actually, compared to the other potty accidents you have dealt with this week, you really don't care. At least he was in the bathroom attempting to do what he was supposed to do.

At bedtime, you are faced with two tired and cranky children. It turned out that it was a bad idea to go out to dinner to belatedly celebrate your birthday. Also, that big chocolate chip cookie for dessert was a huge mistake. Don't they know that you're supposed to bake them all the way through? Ugh. Everyone had a tummy ache. Your husband informs you that you didn't need to eat your whole piece. Right. Like you considered not eating the chocolate to be an option.

Feeling worn out, you turn to your faithful blog for a nice venting session. (Here you feel the need to add a final note that this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. You lead a very blessed life, and happen to think that you are funny, even if nobody else may agree. And, your husband is pretty great most of the time. You don't want people to think that you have no faith in him, but like every normal person you occasionally feel peeved at him -- this week more than normal!) That said, you pray that the weekend of double birthday parties goes much more smoothly than the rest of the week!

April at Our House

4/1/14 {Responses to our April Fools' Dinner}
L: "Tricky meatloaf is yummy!"
L: "I don't want to eat cardboard."
M: "Brown E's... I get it! Good one, Mom!"
That was a fun evening!

4/4/14
Me: "Why are you walking into me?"
L: "I'm playing bumper cars!"
Right. I should have known that.

4/5/14
At her first full-length musical, State Fair (featuring her friend, Maggie!), Mia turned to me at intermission and asked, "Is this halftime?"
And this is my first clue that she spends more than enough time watching sports with Daddy...

4/6/14
M: "I want another pickle for breakfast!"
I don't even know what to say to that. Ew. Just ew.

4/8/14
M {upset}: "They wrote this backward."
Me: "They wrote what backward?"
M {points to "LOVE" on her sweatshirt}: "This."
Me: "Oh. They didn't write it backward. It just looks that way in the mirror because you see the reflection.
Yep.

4/8/14
M: "Do you think fish know how to smile?"
In general? Maybe. At our house? Not so sure... We're having a streak of bad luck with keeping them alive. I didn't mention it here yet, but Orangey died last Friday. This means that we are on our third betta fish in less than five weeks.

Mommyism: "Don't use the baseball bat to hit dog poop!" (4/8/14)
Yes, I am the mother of a boy. This probably should NOT have surprised me.

4/9/14
L {points to dead bird that he found}: "Mom, what kind of bird is that?"
Me: "That's a grackle."
L: "What do grackles do?"
Me: "Well, they fly around and... drop dead in our yard, apparently."
Yeah, I need to get better at answering this type of question.

4/14/14
L {describing the sound of a peacock from the nearby farm}: "It sounds like a animal is saying 'help' or 'ow!'"
I totally get that, although I have always thought they sounded more like big cats.

4/14/14
M: "Uh, Mom... You might need to help Logan. And you'll be surprised when you see him."
This is what I discovered: he was stuck with his feet up in the air, between the arm chair and the wall. Turned out that he had dropped a toy back there and decided to retrieve it head first, but then he didn't know how to get back up. Also, he likes mismatched socks.

{That's my goofy boy.}

4/15/14
L {biting into a black bean}: "Hey, there's a potato in it!"
Well, sure, I totally put a potato in there -- whatever gets you to eat it.

4/15/14
L {trying the taco soup that he initially refused}: "Nummy yummy! When I say, 'nummy yummy' that means really good!"
Thanks for the clarification, but I actually figured that one out on my own.

4/15/14
M {on why she slipped and fell in the kitchen}: "I didn't do it on purpose. It was the floor's fault!"
Obviously.

4/16/14
M {while we were reading Froggy Plays T-Ball}: "It's called home plate because it looks like a house."
I never really thought about it before, but if that's NOT why it's called that, then it really should be!

4/18/14
L {on springtime allergies}: "Sneezing causes snot to come."
Unfortunately, that is true.

4/21/14
M {toweling off her hands after digging in the yard}: "Mud is NOT for us. Mud is for worms."
Thank you for sharing. Now please go inform your brother of this revelation.

4/24/14
Logan overheard me talking to myself and asked, "Why did you call yourself Meg?"
Me: "What should I call myself?"
M {chiming in}: "Mom!"
Yes, as a matter of fact, my name IS Mom.

4/24/14
M {on Brett's choice of the number 3 for his softball jersey}: "You should have picked 1 and then you could be the rock star dad!"
Yeah, why didn't you think of that, Dad?

4/26/14
M {on Brett's use of the new hedge trimmer}: "Wow! Look at that rectangular prism bush!"
Then, pointing to an untrimmed bush, she added, "Can you make that one look like Mickey Mouse?"
I love that she thinks that he magically developed the ability to transform overgrown shrubbery into topiaries. Way to dream big, little girl.

4/27/14
M {dancing around before bedtime}: "I feel like I should do yoga. I don't know why. Wait, what is yoga?"
Wait, she wants to do something but she doesn't know what it means?! Should I be concerned?

4/27/14
L: "Monsters -- when they're dead -- can turn into dirt and grass. And dinosaurs' bones turn to stone. Do dragons have bones?"
Me: "Um, I guess."
L: "So their skeletons turn to stone, too!"
Apparently so. He would be more of the expert on this subject.

4/29/14
L {on why the orange centipede was trying to get away from him}: "Maybe he's playing hide-and-seek!"
Riiiiiiiiight. Or maybe he heard that ours is the house where fish come to die and he decided to get the heck of out Dodge. Either that, or he learned that you were the boy who pulled the curtain rod out of the wall -- and that just can't be good for a bug. It simply cannot be. In other news, he didn't get the memo that dirt is NOT for us.

Rollin' On...

I now have two children who can ride two-wheel bikes without training wheels! How is that even possible? On Saturday, April 19, Logan requested that Brett take the training wheels off his bike. I was in the house at the time and didn't even know that this was happening until Mia came running in to tell me that I "might want to see this!" Apparently, he got right up and started riding like it was no big deal. Um, you think I might like to see that? And take photos and video!

{Tongue out in intense concentration as he gets started...}

{And he's off. Look at him go!}

Proud mama right here, folks. I guess all that practice on the Strider really paid off. He knew how to get started, balance, turn, and stop all on his own! With tons of confidence. And when he falls down (which is hardly ever) he just gets right back up. I am so amazed!

*                  *                   *                   *                  *                  *                   *                  *                 *                    *                   *                   *
In other news, I am pleased to announce the results of the giveaway sponsored by Path Publishing! Congratulations to Liz! Liz, I will be in touch with you soon.

March Madness at Our House

What? You thought this post was going to be about basketball? No, my bracket went BOOM approximately the moment that Duke set foot on the court. Anyway, this is good stuff, much more entertaining than college basketball! Read on for moments of March Madness at our house.

3/1/14
L: "Miserable looks like this." {puts fingers in corners of mouth and pulls it down into a frown}"Happy looks like this." {pulls mouth into a smile}
This one makes me put my fingers in the corners of my mouth and pull them up.

3/6/14
Brett and I were discussing Logan's sickness and he said, "It's really taking it out of him."
M: "Do you think he has the sleepy flu?"
This could be a real thing. You never know, right?

3/6/14
M {asking for a treat}: "Can I have Star Wars?"
Me: "Huh? Do you mean Starburst?"
M: "Yeah, is that what they're called?"
Whatever works, I suppose.

3/7/14
M: "Do we have any leprechaun music?"
Um, no. However, in retrospect, perhaps this was my clue that I needed to make the leprechauns come...

3/7/14
L: "Are you ready to go on a jewelry hunt?"
What's a "jewelry hunt," you ask? Well, this is what happens when you leave bobby pins and other hair things within reach of a four year old boy. He had "hidden" them all over the living room for me to find.

3/9/14
M: "I taught Ritzy how to beg! She sat up!"
Me: "On her own?"
M: "Yes! Actually, I had to lift her... but eventually she started to balance."
Well, okay then.

3/10/14
L: "Did you never see someone lose his eyeball?"
Me: "No, I never saw that before."
L: "Well, I think I did. In a song." {launches into his rendition of "Oh the Little Monster Loses His Eyeball" -- a song known only to him, it would seem}
Gotta love his imagination.

3/11/14
Me {at the stove top, turning around}: "Guess who's not in a good mood?"
M: "I don't like this game." {walks away}
Snarky crisis averted. Take that, college prof who told us that kids didn't "get" sarcasm. She knew enough to get away, and that's all she needed to know!

3/11/14
L: "Baths have liquids in them."
True story.

3/12/14
Me: "Oh, Logan!" {as I see him Hoovering up Goldfish cracker crumbs from the table -- with his mouth}
L: "What?! I'm a cleaning machine."
Just think if his cleaning-machine mode worked half as often as his mess-making mode...

3/15/14
L: "I want handburgers for dinner!"
Sorry, little dude! I'm fresh out of ground handburger, but I may have some foot-long hot dogs in the freezer.

3/17/14
L: "I have oysters on my bottom... because it hurts!"
I have NO idea, but this is pretty dang funny.

3/18/14
M: "Guess what my favorite part of this masterpiece is?"
Me: "What?"
M: "Everything. Because it's so magnificent!"
She gets her humility from me, obviously.

3/19/14
M: "Mom, can you get down my big, floofy, pink skirt?"
Me: "Um... You mean your tutu?"
Yeah, 3 1/2 years of dance classes are paying off. At least Mommy knows some of the vocabulary now.

3/21/14
L: "Do they call them 'scissors' because they go, 'sizz, sizz, sizz' when you use them?"
Well, if that's NOT the reason, then it should be.

3/22/14
M: "Lasagna is sort of like a cheese and sauce meat sandwich."
I never really thought about it... but yeah, I guess so.

3/27/14
L: "I like chips and Hot Wheels more than anything else in the whole world."
Good talk, buddy.

3/27/14
L {playing Hungry Hungry Hippos}: "Do hippos eat snowballs?"
Me: "No."
L: "These ones do."
I had been about to tell him that hippos actually eat plants, but then I figured, "Why?" He was so sure.

3/28/14
L {at dinner}: "When I'm bigger, can I marry Mia or Mama?"
Me: "No." He looked sad, so I added, "Don't worry, when you're bigger, you'll meet somebody who's even better for marrying."
M: "Don't you have to go to college before you can get married?"
Me: "Sure. That sounds like a good idea."
Yes, let's go with that.

3/29/14
L: "I'm a forgetter and my sister's a mistaker."
Don't let her hear you say that!

3/29/14
L {after his big potty accident}: "You'll have to give the floor a bath."
Ah, yes, floor bathing -- one of this mommy's many special skills.

3/31/14
L: "Can we go shopping?"
Me: "What do we need to shop for?"
L: "Hot Wheels!"
Duh, Mom!

3/31/14
Me: "What should we get Zoey (a friend) for her birthday?"
L: "I don't know."
Me: "What does she like?"
L: "Well... She does like me!"
Great. We'll just put a bow on you then! 

Our Newest Family Member

I would like to introduce our newest family member, Bluey the betta fish. We are officially a two-pet household now. Mia has been saving her money for quite some time in order to purchase Bluey and all of his necessities so this is a very BIG deal. Bluey's tank -- complete with pink pebbles, two plants, and the small decorative glass fish and glow pebbles -- were found at garage sale back in the spring. This has been something she had been thinking about for months.

Then she got distracted from her goal and spent all her money on LEGO Friends and jewelry back in the fall. When she saved up a second time, I knew she was pretty serious about getting a fish for a pet. Yesterday we went to Pet Supplies Plus and picked up some Betta food, a net, a blue dolphin decoration, and the all-important water treatment (so the fish won't immediately die from whatever may be in our well water).

Ever since cleaning everything and getting it set up, Mia has bugged me to go back for her fish! She didn't have school today, which was perfect for another trip to the pet store. It didn't take her long to settle on the the most colorful betta fish available. She originally planned to name her fish "Rainbow" no matter if it was a boy or a girl, but once we were on the way home she announced that "Rainbow" was not an acceptable name for a boy fish. And so, Bluey got his name.

{Proud New Fish Owner!}

Bluey appears quite comfortable in new home, which I have to admit is a relief. I haven't kept fish in years, so I was a bit apprehensive about making the transition to keeping fish again. It's hard not to worry just a little bit, especially since I'm not the only one who will be disappointed if it suddenly dies. So far so good, and as a bit of comfort to worried mamas everywhere, it's nice to know that we can keep the receipt and return "the body" should anything unfortunate happen to Bluey within the next seven days.

{Bluey checks out his new digs and his dolphin pals.}

The only thing that has me concerned now is that Mia tells me that today is Bluey's birthday -- since it's the day we brought him home -- and we need to celebrate! Huh? How on earth do people celebrate birthdays for fish?

January at Our House

This is some pretty good stuff. I got a kick out of reading these quotes again, so hopefully you will, too.

January 3, 2014
Mia cut the eraser off her pencil and I asked her why.
M: "Logan told me to!"
Me: "Well, don't do what he tells you to do. He doesn't always know."
L: "Yeah! I'm a kid."

January 3, 2014
L: "Mom, are you on Candy Crush?"
Me: "Yeah, but I'm stinkin' at it."
L: "Oh, so that's what I smell."

January 8, 2014
It was the third snow day in a row and she was desperate to go back to school. She had just finished having a huge meltdown and was feeling remorseful.
M: "You're my favorite mommy. I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I was just over-tired, and I didn't get enough sleep last night."
Her favorite mommy? Last I checked, I was her only mommy. Wonder if I should be concerned?

January 10, 2014
L (after his bath, wrapped in a towel): "I'm drier than applesauce. I'm warmer than frozen applesauce, too!"
I suppose so, yes.

January 12, 2014
M: "Maybe some day I'll be a flying squirrel."
And some day I could be an heiress. Anything's possible.

January 16, 2014
M (On why I shouldn't cut her nails): "I like keeping my thumbnails long because it helps me take apart Legos."
Yep, makes sense to me.

January 16, 2014
M: "Is it okay to flush and wash?"
Me: "Yes. Why?"
M: "Because Netflix is down."
So if the Internet is down, our entire household stops functioning?

January 21, 2014
M (opening birthday gift from her uncle): "Ooh! Party pens!" (pens with plumes on the ends)

January 21, 2014
L (Overheard while he was jabbering to himself in the bathroom as he got ready for bed): "Doggie coleslaw."
I am not sure what this means, but I think it is a dreadful idea. I'm sure you will agree that we do not want to feed our dogs cabbage-based foods!

January 23, 2014
I was standing on a chair while taking down Christmas cards that were taped on the wall in the archway between the dining room and living room.
M: "That's so cool!"
Me: "What's so cool?"
M: "You!"
Me {flattered but confused}: "Why am I so cool?"
M: "Because you can stand on a chair!"
Really? That's all it takes to impress her? Whew. Hoping my "cool mom" status continues for a while...

January 24, 2014
L (on why he needs a Band-Aid): "I was scratching those bumpy things (scabs) and then those bumpy things tore open."

January 24, 2014
L (in the kitchen, while I am preparing to make a cake): "Mommy, can I lay the eggs?"

January 28, 2014
L (complaining of boredom on another snow day): "Being a kid is sooooooo rough!"
Really, it was hard to not make a sarcastic reply here.

January 28, 2014
L (on why he fell down): "I couldn't see backwards."
Obviously.

January 29, 2014
L (complaining on yet another snow day): "When can I play Frisbee again? It's been winter ALL day!"
Tell me about it.

January 30, 2014
L: "Did you know you can eat this part?" {shows me where he chewed it the plastic inner wrap from a Fruit Roll-Up}
Me: "Um.... No, let's not eat the plastic. Just eat the Fruit Roll-Up."
L: "But it tasted kind of good!"
Well, if it tastes good, then by all means... Okay, seriously. I don't normally have these in the house. I only bought them to make puppy tongues for the cupcakes. Maybe this is why he doesn't know how to eat one!

January 30, 2014
L (while getting ready to go to Math Night at Mia's school): "Math is so 'citing!"
{Pats self on back. Can almost see myself winning "Mom of the Year." Where to put trophy?}

"Santa Already Knows What I Want!" (and Other End of the Year Quotes)

Honestly, I crack up whenever I reread the things my kids have said. This month's collection of kids' quotes is pretty darn good, though. Lots of funny memories. And since you may be wondering why I am tapping away at my keyboard while others are out celebrating...

Yes, we're getting crazy up in here for New Year's Eve! We already polished off our bottle of sparkling juice and had a raucous family game night. (I have dubbed myself the Queen of Candy Land.) Kids are now in bed, and I doubt I will be awake long enough to ring in the new year. Good times, good times.

See you all in 2014! I hope it is as wonderful for everyone as 2013 has been for our family.

12/2/13
M {eating Swedish Fish, which she called "sweet fish"}: "I never knew fish could taste that good."

12/3/13
L: "Circle is not a shape. It goes all the way around. It's a letter, like 'o.'"

Is it just me, or does that almost make sense?

12/5/13
M: "I have something to tell you: Doritos taste good dipped in ranch dressing!"
Me: "How did you learn this?"
M: "Turkey taco day!" (party at school before Thanksgiving) "We had some and I tried it."

12/5/13
I was explaining to Mia how things weren't going how I wanted and I was feeling frustrated. She thought for a moment and then replied, "Go to bed early then!"

If only it were that simple... Unfortunately, the mama can't go to bed in the afternoon.

12/8/13
M: "Ouch!"
Me: "What happened?"
M: "The wood hit me on purpose." {scowls and then informs me that she ran into the banister}
Me: "Do you want the boo boo bunny?"
M: "NO!" {scowls} "And I do not like wood."

Truly, it was all I could do to not laugh. She was so serious and so, so mad at that banister.

12/11/13
M: "Our elf is really talented this year!" {Said after seeing the string of gumdrops on the Christmas tree.}

12/14/13
M: "Me and Ritzy just did an Eskimo kiss and one thing -- her nose is very wet!"

I would imagine so, yes.

12/15/13
L {in the church bathroom -- and, of course, we were not alone}: "My penis is getting bigger!"

Really, child, you couldn't save this statement for a more private place? 

12/16/13
L: "Girls only have eyebrows... and cars have eyebrows, too."

I have no idea...

12/16/13
L: "Why are big people -- like Mommy or Daddy -- called giants or robots?"
Me: "I didn't know we were."

I repeat, no idea...

12/19/13
During Logan's preschool Christmas party a high school student sat in Santa's lap to try to convince one of the preschoolers that he was okay. She asked for a brand new car and Logan chimed in with, "I don't think Santa has car parts!"

This sounds plausible to me.

12/19/13
Also during the preschool party, Logan surprised me tremendously by hopping up in Santa's lap and talking to him, asking for a bunch of Hot Wheels stuff (none of which I could really understand, other than the words "Hot Wheels" and "crash!") Naturally, I asked him what he had discussed with Santa and he replied, "I don't feel like telling you. Santa already knows what I want!"

Well, I'm glad you're so tight with the fat man, but toss me a bone, here!

12/22/13
M: "Guess what, Mom? Dad was number one for a level in Candy Crush!"
Me: "Okay. Why are you telling me this?"
M: "I just want you to know everything that Dad does."
Brett: "Well, that's not much..."

Hey, he said it! I'm just repeating it.

12/23/13
Me {Catching Mia performing what I assume is a dance move on a chair at the dining table}: "Let's not do arabesques on the chair." (Note: I am proud of myself for learning some of the lingo.)
M: "I'm not. I'm just stretching."

Technicality, apparently. Future lawyer, this one. For the record, it sure looked like an arabesque to me. Also, we can add this to the list of things I never thought I'd say.

12/24/13
M {While singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"}: "Has Daddy been in history before?"

Not that I am aware of, but time will tell... Perhaps, he will set some sort of world record in Candy Crush.

12/24/13
Mia asked if I had made the paper slips for the Advent calendar and I told her that I did.
Brett: "How come you don't think I made them?"
M: "Because Mama is more creative and into crafts."
Me: "So what is Daddy good at?"
L: "Being mad!"
M: "Playing games and throwing a ball at a woodpecker on the roof."

12/28/13
L {Trooping into our bedroom at 7 am}: "Guys, it's morning and we're going to my cousins' house today! And guess what else?! We're also going to my sister's cousins' house!"